2011 - 2012

First to begin; Happy New Year. Though its not 2012 yet.

2011 has been a good year,
with many memorable and unforgettable events that shaped my life.

If there was a time machine, I would like to re-run 2011 yet again and again. There were ups and downs of 2011. I changed. A lot.

In 2011, 
I entered junior college. 

I wanted something badly, but I couldn't find out what was it. Till now, I have given up.

And there was syf, something that I wouldn't forget. The memories of staying late in school, throwing away my grades, chatting with seniors. The outcome wasn't what I wanted, but the process was superbly memorable.

I joined STIP.The memories will last me perhaps a lifetime. It begin by that meal at clementi, fetching her at MOE, bringing her to my rundown house. I brought her around singapore, had her live in my house, talked to her, followed me to school. This was the only time someone ever tagged along wherever I went. At times, I desperately needed some freedom, but when the time she left, I did not enjoy solitude. If I were to turn back time, I would very much treat her better. Not like the haphazardness I did - only realising that she was coming on that day.

The 3 events that concurrently happened together: STIP, JTS, Titans.

I also want to turn back titans. I don't want to give shit to them, I am so sorry.
And when she left, it was all back to reality. 

The fateful day: 38. The feeling of not being able to stand up after the fall is still vividly clear in my head. Screaming for the rest to stand up quickly, and realising that the pain was not from the weight, but from the tear. The difficulty walking with crutches, tearing of skin on my underarm, bruises, wheeling myself with computer chair at home, struggling to sleep because my leg had to be at only one position, the 1 minute bath, getting stares, receiving well wishes even from strangers (still remember the girl who wished me), cabbing to school, limping everywhere, visiting the hospital as if its were my home, meeting doctors and physiotherapist. The struggle, the anguish. I did not blame anyone, I took it in my stride. It was life, and there was nothing to complain about. Rather, I learnt a lot from it and learn about myself more. The emotional-less person, with no feelings, no anger, no unhappiness. It was life, continuing and not wanting to receive special treatments. They asked me "Why didnt i sue?" Suing did not even came to my mind, and I just shrugged the thought off immediately. Inconvenience is unavoidable, and to suffer only is better than pulling everyone else down with you. Though I burst out that day, only because I was afraid that my life would be ruined - not being able to exercise. Exercise was a part of my life, and I cannot fathom what would happen without exercise. Nothing is wrong now, the pain, will come back again to haunt me, but I know, I would not complain, and I would just live by it. 

And I felt as if there was no need to be serious with everything, why is there a need for anger? sorrow? When you think of it in a few hours time, or even a few days, months, years, you would just realize that the you then was foolishly stupid to have even wasted your mind being angry, sad. When you could just be happy. There was no need - and in 2012, I want to be the carefree person I made myself in 2010. I excuse myself by saying "mood swing", however, I do not want to accept it now. Happy. Joy.

Taiwan. Awesome.
The days spend there was as if I was on paradise. With nothing to worry about. The fun I had with her, and her friends, the tjcians, the people there. Everything. Was simply worthwhile. 18days. A lot of time. About half of my holiday. Never once did I explore a country so in detail. By myself. I know that it would never happen again, therefore, I treasure the memory I have there, so succinctly as possible. The feelings changed when I first touched down to the last day there. I did not want to leave. I wanted to stay there. It felt as if it was home to me. And now, I am in some foreign country. Damn. It screwed up my thoughts. Now where the hell is home?

In a world of deluded-ness, it sometimes feels as if what I am thinking for today isn't what I was thinking yesterday. Did a different soul entered my body? However so, I wish for a better year next year, and for all the wishes of everyone to come true (even mine).

Happy New Year.